When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
