hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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