it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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