Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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