She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
