I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
