Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
