Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
