worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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