we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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