Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
