Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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