But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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