this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
jump out the window naked night went bad
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
