i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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