i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
