Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Damn victory sex feels great
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
