i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
