This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
