Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
