He told me they were just razor bumps!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
