I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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