For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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