Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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