As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
