You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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