He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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