omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
