I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
should my penis look like a turkey
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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