Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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