We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
