How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
