Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
