Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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