I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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