we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
