Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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