i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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