We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
