why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
