I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
