It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
