champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
