Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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