So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize