Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
