I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
