Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
