can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
