420 ftw
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
