Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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