You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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