so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize