I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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