I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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