So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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