I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
