Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
