wakey wakey hands off snakey
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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