Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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