he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think my moral compass just broke
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
