The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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