I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
