Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
