so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
