I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
