I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize