did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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