WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
