he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
