so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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