Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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