I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Couch. On fire.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
